After years of feeling un-confident, being anxious, worrying and "Catastrophizing" I think, think, I'm starting to understand myself abit more. I know that sounds strange, being able to understand yourself? But if you really think about all the things that are going on in your mind, all the things your body is doing, all the emotions you experience everyday and all the feelings which you can relive by just thinking about something thats happened in the past its alot to take in. Sometimes its good to just sit down, take a breath and try to relax and unwind - something which I really can't stand people telling me when I'm stressed or worried but I've come to realise thats its probably the best thing to do.
Anxieties
When I was coming to the end of my first year of college our whole class had a presentation, which of course, I'd been dreading about for pretty much the whole year and everyday brought it closer and closer and everyday made me more and more anxious. The day of the presentation finally came and I remember sitting outside the classroom with my friends feeling physically sick. I couldn't eat, I hadn't been sleeping, I was hardly talking and I remember that I literally couldn't think of anything else other than that next class.
It got cancelled 3 weeks in a row and as you can probably imagine I didn't get better, I didn't relax with the thought of not having to do it for another week I simply got worse.
I know to some of you this may all sound abit silly, I mean how could someone get so freaked out about standing up in front of a room full of people you know for literally 3-5 minutes and find it difficult to do? But for me it was terrifying. Standing up in front of anyone seemed bad enough; everyone's focus being on you and only you, feeling judged. Not that your friends would be judging you but it still crosses your mind, every horrible feeling does when you're pushed far out of your comfort zone. Just thinking about how I felt now makes my stomach churn! But the day finally came, unbelievable the day of my birthday and I honestly can't remember even thinking that it was apart from when my friend gave me a present. But over the weeks of worrying I'd suddenly realised why am I doing this to myself? What on earth am I doing? This is crazy!
The reason why I'd become so fixated on doing this presentation was because of my grades. Our college marked our work on a Pass, Merit or Distinction Grade and because I wanted to study veterinary medicine at University I knew that I had to get Distinctions in all of my classes, for every topic but feeling like that for a mark on a piece of paper which wouldn't be my overall grade for that class (although would show up on my report card) was definitely not worth what I was putting myself through and so I decided to not go through with the assignment (even though I'd done it) but enough was enough. I went to the teacher and explained to her that I couldn't do the presentation and she asked me to talk with her outside. I explained everything to her, how worried I'd been and how I was just too scared to present my work to the class and she simply said that if I wanted to, I could present my work to her, one on one. I was literally speechless! I couldn't believe that that was even an option (which seems ridiculous now that I look back on the whole thing). I did my presentation and although I stuttered and muddled my words abit and was so exhausted from the last few weeks I did it and I got my grade. My class all did their presentations too and were split up into smaller groups so everyone was really happy.
I definitely learned something that day that unless you tell somebody how you're feeling nobodies going to know and therefore, can't help you. If I'd just told my teacher how I'd been feeling and how I'd been worrying and obsessing over that silly presentation those 3 weeks might have been exceptionally different.
The reason why I'd become so fixated on doing this presentation was because of my grades. Our college marked our work on a Pass, Merit or Distinction Grade and because I wanted to study veterinary medicine at University I knew that I had to get Distinctions in all of my classes, for every topic but feeling like that for a mark on a piece of paper which wouldn't be my overall grade for that class (although would show up on my report card) was definitely not worth what I was putting myself through and so I decided to not go through with the assignment (even though I'd done it) but enough was enough. I went to the teacher and explained to her that I couldn't do the presentation and she asked me to talk with her outside. I explained everything to her, how worried I'd been and how I was just too scared to present my work to the class and she simply said that if I wanted to, I could present my work to her, one on one. I was literally speechless! I couldn't believe that that was even an option (which seems ridiculous now that I look back on the whole thing). I did my presentation and although I stuttered and muddled my words abit and was so exhausted from the last few weeks I did it and I got my grade. My class all did their presentations too and were split up into smaller groups so everyone was really happy.
I definitely learned something that day that unless you tell somebody how you're feeling nobodies going to know and therefore, can't help you. If I'd just told my teacher how I'd been feeling and how I'd been worrying and obsessing over that silly presentation those 3 weeks might have been exceptionally different.
Opening up to people is hard to do when you're worried about something, and its even harder to do when you're either telling yourself how silly it might sound to someone or that they wouldn't understand but at the end of the day we're all human, we all think and feel, we all suffer from various degrees of anxieties so simply telling someone your worries (or fears) is a good thing to do because most of the time people will understand them and its easier to face something with someone than to face it alone.
Presentations still make me scared (not that I've had to do one since, thank goodness) but I know that as soon as somebody mentions them ever again I'm definitely going to say something.
I know that to some of you who may be reading this may think that giving a presentation really isn't that big of a deal but everyone is different, we all struggle with different things and suffer from different fears and phobia's and thats one of mine. I hope that one day I'll discover that public speaking really isn't all bad but in a way, with what this lesson has taught me, by simply just talking to someone it can really help the situation you're in and stop you "making a mountain out of a mole hill".
It's amazing how something that's not physically there can affect you so much, emotions can make you feel so amazing and completely at ease but then can make you feel so lost and trapped and can literally make you feel pain. Its indescribable. The human mind is a scary but incredible thing.
Its also amazing how that whole time of feeling the way I did I never thought to tell anyone just how I was feeling and if I had of done it probably wouldn't of been as bad.
A little about Confidence and being Positive instead of Negative
Low self-confidence is another thing I deal with on a day to day basis, I always have ever since the age of around 14. I wasn't confident as a child either but how you look, the way you dress etc. doesn't seem to be that big of a deal when you're 8 or 9 years old. But as a teenager it seems as though there is alot of pressure to look a certain way, dress a certain way and really all you should be doing is just enjoy being a teen and most importantly enjoy being yourself.
A friend once told me that if you don't think you're good at something or you don't think you're pretty enough, or smart enough or whatever it is that you feel un-confident about you'll start to believe it and when that happens how will anyone else see you for who you truly are. Which is sad but I guess it's kind of true - if you shy away from things and always tell yourself you're not good at something or not good enough it will stop you from doing an endless amount of things and will stop you from feeling good about just being yourself.
So, instead of giving yourself a negative comment why not give yourself a positive one! I mean if our mind can be made to think something is true when the likelihood is that it isn't, then why would telling it something positive be any different. And with that, I'm going to try to tell myself positive things every day, I mean it can't hurt?
So instead of waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and thinking something negative think of something positive and tell yourself it. If you're having trouble with a topic at school or don't think you're clever enough tell yourself you are. And whatever you may be struggling with during the day or if you have something which might be playing on your mind maybe try to look at whatever it is in another way.
We are all different and beautiful in our own way and if you think about that how can you possible compare yourself to anyone else? Be proud of who you are! Because you are good enough and nobody should tell you otherwise.
Abit Of Mindfulness
The beauty of these exercises is, is that it doesn't have to be a specific thing, you can be anywhere and you can focus on anything. A doctor actually told me about one exercise; you place your hands on both of your legs and run your hands down to your feet and then start again and keep doing that and think about how it feels. Your legs, feet, the fabric of your clothes, the seat you're sat on and slowly your mind starts to clear. It sounds weird but it actually kind of works. You feel at ease, peaceful, with nothing going around in your mind. Just try it, it really settles your mind. If you believe in negative energies as well this is also a great thing to do as it really feels as though you are expelling the negative energies out of your body.
If anyone has read this and found it useful please comment below as I'd love to know if it's helped anyone. As well as if you have or know of any other exercises, or tips and tricks, which help with coping and dealing with anxieties and/or low self esteem then please leave a comment also as I'd be really interested and appreciative of any you know about. ♥
I loved this article so much ♡♡♡ it's really inspring x
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