The last week I've actually felt quite confident about things - which for me is pretty unusual but I have! After getting a new camera for my birthday last month I decided to look into starting a Youtube channel, I'd been thinking about for some time but was unsure if I should or not. I was worried that people would not like my videos, or would write horrible comments but also because I'm not very confident (especially in front of a camera), I stumble my words when I panic and also because I hate the sound of my own voice. None the less I decided to give it go, I thought that if it went so fantastically wrong at least I could say that I'd tried and also it's not like I'd have to upload it or ever watch it again! So I set up my camera and started filming. The moment arrived to watch whatever it was that I'd "created", it was pretty nerve-wracking, I practically winced as I pressed the playback button but much to my amazement it was actually okay?! I actually felt quite shocked! My voice didn't sound as bad as I'd always thought it had and I actually looked quite nice?! I don't often think I do but this time it felt different, like I actually believed that I did rather than trying to believe that I was to stop myself from being negative about my appearance. It was such a nice feeling to feel comfortable in my own skin and just see myself being me (and not be completely cringed out).
The next few days I still felt a little buzz, it was so nice, it was almost a relaxing feeling like I could just breath and be me without worrying about all the insecurities that usually run through my head daily. I've still got the main ones of; comparing myself to others and worrying what other people think of me but even they're not as bad as usual!
I can't just expect to wake up one day oozing confidence and having no insecurities what so ever but I can slowly work on them and make progress gradually. If slow and steady steps are what I need to make to improve how I feel about myself then thats what I'm going to do.
Speak soon everyone xox
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